Talking to young men about masculinity and the manosphere

Nearly two-thirds of UK men say no one really knows them, according to Equimundo’s State of UK Men report. It happens at a time when young boys and teenagers are struggling with their personal identity, feeling insecure about things like their appearance and sex. Not knowing how they ought to feel or behave.

The problem often results in feelings of loneliness and isolation, especially if they have difficulty forming romantic relationships.

This is when harmful online influencers in what’s known as the manosphere can seem to provide answers and a sense of belonging.

This post looks at the risks to young people from online information, the signs to watch for and how to start a conversation if you’re worried.

Why so many boys feel adrift right now

Many would argue the number of pressures on young men today is higher than any older generation experienced.

Pressures around their identity, their abilities and self-worth, social status and popularity.

During teenhood, boys can be particularly insecure about their appearance.

Another part of the problem is a lack of the right male role models, or the opportunities to talk openly with them. To be reassured that these uncertainties are a normal part of growing up and discovering who you could be, with the right guidance – something YMCA’s family and youth work exists to provide.

It’s into this gap that the manosphere often steps.

What draws young men towards the manosphere

At the time when young men are most unsure of themselves, the manosphere’s network of online influencers in forums and social media groups can offer them an identity; a way to think, feel and behave.

Echoed by what they see in advertising, pop culture and social media, this frequently promotes masculinity, anti-feminist and misogynistic attitudes.

Algorithms then twist these attitudes, changing them from harmless content into more extreme material.

What healthy masculinity actually looks like

Genuine healthy masculinity isn’t about being told who to be by a computer algorithm. It isn’t about anti-feminist and misogynistic attitudes.

It’s about developing personal strength and self-confidence to tackle what you might see as challenges. It’s about feeling motivated so you can overcome doubts you may have about yourself.

How YMCA can help

YMCA’s own family and youth work ethos is about being with people where you can get mentoring support, enjoy activity and be welcomed as part of a community with no pressure to conform. Where you feel safe and comfortable.

If you’ve experienced trauma, it’s where you’ll find guidance to build or rebuild your belief in yourself.

Whatever the situation, our firm belief is that everybody should have somebody who provides support when they need it.

Spotting the signs

Some clues to look out for to help reduce risks and support young people:

• Sudden changes in language, such as new slang about women or ‘alphas’/’betas’
• Increased time alone online, or withdrawal from previous friendships
• Dismissive or hostile comments about girls, women or feminism
• Comments suggesting girls are inferior, even framed as a joke
• A new fixation on appearance or physical exercise
• Suggestions that ‘no one really knows me’

Any one of these on its own might mean nothing. It’s a pattern of several, especially alongside withdrawal or secrecy, that’s worth paying closer attention to.

Starting the conversation

If a young person or teenager shows any of the signs noted above, it’s important that you have an open and honest discussion with them, and if possible look at the online site or sites they’ve been visiting with them.

Resist reacting with shock or anger, or being judgemental. Avoid dismissing the influencer outright, as this can push boys to defend them. Instead talk about the harm and unhappiness being caused by the issues and views being expressed. Ask open questions rather than leading with criticism, and give them room to explain what they find appealing about what they’re watching or reading, this tells you more than shutting the conversation down.

Where to get further support

At a time when young boys and teenagers are unsure of their personal identity, feeling insecure and marginalised, YMCA’s approach offers a positive influence where they can get help to develop a more certain sense of themselves and the world around them.

YMCA provides Health & Wellbeing facilities, including gyms, sport and recreation for fitness, and support for social connection and collaboration. You can also get in touch with your local YMCA directly, or contact us for more information.